MODEL RELEASED. Domestic violence. Silhouette of a woman protecting herself from a blow from her partner by holding her arms in front of her face.

A relationship between two lovers whether married or still in the process should be civil and sane on all levels, when the unusual starts to happen in a relationship i do not think it is worth it any more, the unusual being ABUSE,

1 of every 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime, and women are killed daily as a result of abuse. it is not uncommon to hear ‘why do women stay’? why dont they leave? Abuse in a relationship can be spiritual, financial, emotional or physical, we tend to dwell on the physical more because you can see the scars, you can almost see the pain, but i tell you, the physical may be the least horrifying of them all. When you are physically abused, you can cry for help, people will see and easily relate, you get help. when you are emotionally or financially abused, who can understand you? you have nothing to show for it, you can only try to explain this feeling, when you are spiritually abused, you only have your faith with you in this battle. but for the purpose of this discussion, we will stick to the physical, we can address the others some other time.

Now that we have established that physical abuse can be seen and resolved, why then do we stay in it? why do we not cry out for help? why don’t we take vengeance? or simply run away? I hear you say these women like to be ill-treated, obviously if they choose to stay, they must have low self esteem right?

So many women have lost themselves, lost their minds to insanity, Hopes gone with the wind, some have even lost their lives. The fact is that reasons for staying are far more complex than a statement about strength, self esteem and all what not.

I hear of abusive relationships at least 2 times a week and i go mad, so many questions keep popping up in my brain all at the same time, and i ask fellow women, you know the answers i get?

where do i start from

what will people say

He is the father of my children

what if i run and he finds me?

The list is endless, Some women enjoy the beating, Yes, because they are from dysfunctional families were beaten and violence was the order of the day, so they look forward and prepare for it, it is normal for them, it is the language they understand, some even say the Beating/violence strengthens their relationship, even though i am yet to understand that.

it is dangerous for some women to leave an abusive relationship when the partner is also financially abusive, because it means their lives come to a standstill, no access to funds.

Other women who have children involved will stay because they do not want to raise their kids as single parents, is that it really?

you are battered at night, you get to work in the morning and you are asked what happened to your black eyes, seeing that the make-up could not do much of a coverage, and you say you fell on the stairs, or something bit you, you protect your partner. No one has to know, you get back home, cook without first taking off your office clothes, serve the food like a good wife/partner, run the shower, if you have kids, look through their home work, get in bed, satisfy your man, If you are lucky, you get an apology, and life goes on. Next week you are back at it. Is this really the life? can nothing really be done?

Share your thoughts and experience.