So recently i have been hearing alot of couples complaining, especially women, about not getting enough sex, and am thinking, is it too much work? are we too tired after a long day, is it miscommunication? can anything be done?
I decided to throw the question to Celebrity wives Toke Makinwa and Ariyike Akinbobola via my column ‘From her point of view’ on Thisday Style Magazine.
What do you do when sex stops happening as often as it used to in Marriage?
Here is what they had to say.
I think the first thing the couple need to do is to have a chat, a sincere chat with themselves both of them have to acknowledge first that there is a problem, Sex is a form of communication and we all know how vital communication is in every area of our lives. Sex is how our bodies commune and If its happening less and less, there is a problem that both parties must acknowledge. It could be as a result of being exhausted from work, being tired from running around and just being occupied. Whichever the case is, the next stage is to make an effort.
Sometimes, one has to actively set a reminder (Lol) I hope it doesn’t come to that, but people get caught up in the day to day struggles and getting by as it is can be very overwhelming but consciously making time to have sex is very important.
I will also advice creating a conducive environment. stop working in the bedroom, take out the TV in the bedroom too. Remove all forms of distractions and then turn the lights down, light some candles, take a fresh shower, throw on some perfume and maybe you can have very light music and let your bodies do all the talking. If it is hard to get the conducive environment because of kids, go away for the weekend, Sex is very important, once you get back in the groove, every other thing will take care of itself.
1. Talk about it: Communication is important in every marriage. Sex is vital in a marriage
and when you feel it’s not as it used to be, you need to talk about it with your partner so that he is aware because he might not even know how you’re feeling. A problem shared is half solved.
2. Put some spice in your sex life: Sometimes your husband might just be bored so when it eventually happens, make sure you re-invent your sex life and put some more excitement in the bedroom. Imagine someone eating white rice and stew eveyday all the days of his life, won’t he get tired? So make sure you are all shades of rice and more in the bedroom. You get me right? *Wink*
3. Check yourself: I’m talking from a Woman’s perspective. Sometimes there are somethings you used to do in your marriage that you stopped doing maybe as a result of childbirth or busy work schedule, For example If your husband likes sexy lingerie (Matching underwear, suspenders et al) and you used to wear them in the past but you stopped after having kids, then you have to get back to doing the things he likes and vice versa. If your husband likes you cooking for him and you stopped and hired a cook then maybe it’s time to cook him a meal like old times. Remember the old saying – The only way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
4. Initiate love making: Don’t always wait for him to come on to you. Sometimes, you should be the one that will start off the love making session.
5. Be happy and Make your husband feel comfortable around you: If you’re a happy person and you make him feel comfortable around you, he will want to be around you and that way, it is easier to get intimate with him.
6. Kiss, kiss, kiss: Kissing is very important in a marriage. It’s easier for sex to happen if you keep the kisses flowing.
7. Know and understand your man: When you know and understand him, you’ll know what he’s thinking without having him to say much. Every man wants to come home to a peaceful home after all the office stress. Sometimes, he may be stressed out from work and sex may be the last thing on his mind. You can book a spa day for him where he’ll get a massage and get pampered just to calm him down. Trust me, when he’s done, he’ll appreciate you more and when his senses and body are all at rest, it becomes easier for him to be interested in making love.
8. Be sexy: Are you his wife or his mother? Make him want you. When he gets back from work, let him come home to a sexy wife as against a wife that looks just like his mother.
9. Look and smell good: Every man wants to be with a woman that looks and smells good so let this be a part of your day to day routine.
10. Pray! Pray! Pray: If you try all you can to make your sex life get back to the way it
used to be, take your problem to God. Prayers can solve all problems.
Please share your thoughts……….